My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
