The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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