Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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