New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
did i walk over a car last night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
