I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
