so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The best revenge is premature balding
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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