Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
