worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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