somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
