I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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