Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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