A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
