I think im going to throw up on grandma
its not stalking. its research.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
