the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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