You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
