Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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