dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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