I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
