I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have fence marks all over my body
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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