The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drake has all the answers
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
