You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
