Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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