Don't make out with my wife yet
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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