she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
