I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
