Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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