I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
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