The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize