I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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