If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
