Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
