I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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