you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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