I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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