I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
