Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
