after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
