Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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