lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Is it because I queefed?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
