explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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