you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
