I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
