I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
