I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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