Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
