Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
