so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
