At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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