how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
