capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
