It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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