2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
