i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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