Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize