he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
