You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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