you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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