I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bring me that man meat
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
