She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
