I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
