Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
