i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
