My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
