omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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