: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
