i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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