im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
