Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
