I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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