I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
