I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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