Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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