Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
