I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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