I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How many fucks given?
0.12846
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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