Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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