You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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