I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
