Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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