I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize