I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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