omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
