My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
